it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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