i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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