True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What a dumb baby whore.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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