just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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