batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
