a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Congratulations! We have a period
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
