Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
