i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
