I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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