Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
