go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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