So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
