I must be too annoying 4 u.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
