I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
