Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I could fuck to npr.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize