His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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