The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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