We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
