I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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