If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
