I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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