making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
