dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
then he tried to convert me to islam
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
