my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
