I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
