Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
