I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize