When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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