Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
