OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
