so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
