Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
