from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
