Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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