Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
