Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
