I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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