are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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