i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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