You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
