My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
