he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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