Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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