I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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