I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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