I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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