well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize