When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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