this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
