my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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