their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
