are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
