just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
