I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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