I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
