So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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