If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize