Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize