wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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