She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
