Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
