but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
