True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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