where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
