just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
