How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
