My nipple is on Facebook.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
