I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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