Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
