All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
