I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
