I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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