I will die if light touches me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
